No Desperate Housewives for This?

Last night, the 63563567356735th American Music Awards (or as I affectionately refer to them as, the poor man's Grammys) aired last night and went on for an excruciating 4 hours. If it was so bad, why did i watch u ask? What the hell else was i going to do? and plus any award show with Mary on stage in 5 inch hell boots dancin her lil heart out is an award show im tuning into thats why!

The show started out with everyones favorite musical mistake, Fergie..she opened the show and performed damn near every song from her album The Dutches. She was onstage with Wil.I.Am (now is it just me or does he LOOK like he smells like a public restroom at your local park?), and he soon went into his own song that no one knows. They both shared the same set with Nicole Scheroiznsoanfxinger of the Pussycat Dolls, where she performed some shit nobody knows, nor cares about her song "Baby Love", now I KNO yall heard her crack at the end right? Helen Keller would have even went DAMN GIRL!

As the show started, host Jimmy Kimmel did something thats been rare with host when it comes to music award shows in the past few years, be funny. He grabbed Jordin sparks and Kelly Pickler from the crowds and they all began crankin dat soulja boy, and ofcourse Soulja Boy came out himself to juice some more time on his 15 minutes of fame..so where does that leave him? at about 14:56 minutes..4 seconds of fame left soulja! go adopt someone and put it to good use or something...Now onto the actual awards!...Ive never cared for the fact that the American Music Awards only have 3 nominees in each category! as if they needed any more reason to exclude GOOD artist from being nominated, that way they can say "theres just simply not enough room to nominate them!!! OOPSIES!..sorry bout dat Jill!" *rolls eyes* ...Justin Timberlake walked away with quite a few, the American Idol kids won a bunch (except for Fantasia ofcourse, but atleast she wasnt takin out back and put to sleep like Ruben Studdard), Rihanna won Best R&b Soul because yanno..she OOZES old motown...even she was like WTF? smh.... Not to be outdone Beyonce made them give her an award and ANY award would do, yall KNOW that big artist find out if their getting awards or not ahead of time, if they get nada some dont show OR the they get LIED TO just so they will (Kanye West anyone?).... hence her getting international artist of the year or some shit (lets keep it real, they could have gave her best long weave in a short form video and homegirl woulda been up there misty eyed..or maybe it was just Miss Ushers new cologne?)

As the show went on I nodded here and there from lackluster performances from the likes of Chris Brown, Maroon 5 and others and from the B- list of presenters that came and went through out the night... One of the FEW saving graces of the night came from Miss Alicia Keys, although her performance bumped up the UGLY factor for the evening, the performace was full of life and very active, even tho Alicia has about as much business dancin as Condaleeza Rice has attending a Wutang concert, i enjoyed it none the less... BUT! u ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL KNOW..what took the cake for me? right?

WHERE WERE YA!?!?! WHERE WERE YA!?! WHERE WERE YA!?!?!

yes...the Queen herself, Miss Mary J Blige! mother went on stage in her catsuit and her "come get it if u dare" boots and did the damn thing!..no back up dancers! no choreography! no voice lessons no bells and whistles! JUST MARY and her shades reppin, i thoroughly enjoyed it!...The way she was lookin i didnt kno if she was about to perform or cause havoc in Gotham City for Batman, GET IT SELENA KYLE! MEOWWWW!!!.... now was it just me or did Mary give off an old school Whats the 411 vibes?? I was expecting KC to come out OOOOOH YEAAAAA!'n any minute, LOVED IT!

Another performance that stuck out in my mind was Lenny Kravitz...its really good seeing him do his thing again, minus his Players Ball perm..and wasnt the song just precious? a string section? i swoon! now everything else from the show was pretty much a blur or i tuned it out due to its overall wackness...so enough with me..ON TO THE PICTURES!

Chris Brown performing "Kiss Kiss"...as if i needed anymore reasons to call him Remedial Roy..smh

Beyonce Performed "irreplaceable" with Sugarhill...as if i needed anymore reasons to hate this song...smh

awwwwww look at these 2 in action, if u didnt kno any better u would swear up and down that they actually sounded good

The beautiful and ALWAYS bubbly Natasha Bedingfield presented an award with the Hamburgler, who appears to be wearing his little cousins shades..seriously, i think theyre cutting off circulation to his brain..

Usher presents Beyonce with her award for the night..they both tried to sound out the engraving that was on it, and if u watched the show u kno they failed miserably... If u look closely u can see a bead of sweat on Beyonces forehead

I ADORE how much Kirk is smiling with his eyes, Tyra would be proud...Lyfe, much like myself, is wondering what the hell he's doing there and Solange.....*sigh* Solange throws a smile at Satan her dad for calling in one of his favors to the big wigs so they would let her useless ass present something she'll never recieve

And heres Fergie pretty much summing up my overall feel of the show..and well for her...

My sentiments exactly girl...